Rules without connection ---->are dead-
When you are learning here and we teach you "what to do" and what "not to do" don't get bogged down by trying to find a "formula" or rules.
Look at the substance behind them- that makes them health giving, flexible, adaptive, life generating, connective and substance driven relationship foundations-
So look for foundations- not rules, not formulas.
When you are looking for a formula, I understand- I totally get it. The urgency you feel inside is a deep desire to have what you long for, what you are hurting for, and to avoid pain and rejection. However we avoid pain and rejection (the type that is avoidable) by being healthy, smart, grounded, with high self esteem and understanding what a model relationship should look like or its basis and tenets.
Let's take Leaning back for example. This is a term I didn't invent, I actually call it "creating healthy space"...... (space for you, your soul, emotions, needs and space for him, his soul, emotions, needs, and space to be in tune with the organic, real development of a relationship vs being in fantasy or going ahead too fast.)
However we adopted leaning back because we saw so many readers already using it and we wanted to make it easy for a lot of you to jut follow on what I was teaching- and use it as a vehicle to teach the actual depth and substance behind leaning back...
However a woman can use "leaning back" as a ploy to try and entice or entrap a man, without conencting to herself- to her core- where all the feminine energy comes from.........
She can lean back but be really disconnected from her emotional world, from her feelings, from her intimacy with herself (can't have intimacy and connection with a man if you don't have it with yourself), from her heart.....and so she shows up with men and creates some sort of intrigue by leaning back, but there is no substance, no emotional availability for the guy to perceive that value he longs for with a woman he can have a deep emotional connection with........
So it has no staying power........A man will get bored, perceive the woman as low value and if he is a man with options move on quickly..
Repeat after me---> Rules without connection come across as low value games and drama.
Everything I teach you is to come home to relationship with yourself first, and is designed to model what healthy relationship is- bc healthy is irresistible, alive, passionate, magnetic, powerful, and much much more..........
A woman who is intune with her self, in the high value state of highly valuing herself, capable of creating heart connection with quality men in a way that blows them away- she break the rules because she understands "the moment"......she is in tune, present, she adapts and is always herself.
Look for the substance, the foundations that set you FREE not make you small or entrap you into empty formulas-
You are always loved,