The Most Powerful Thing A Woman Can Do For Her Man/Lover
SEEING YOUR MAN is intimacy. Giving Your Man FREEDOM- emotional freedom.
He wants you to know WHO he is. He wants you to see him.
We feel connected to another when we are known and yet still loved. Our biggest fear is that we will show who we are and we will be rejected, confirming fears that began in childhood when we began to form beliefs that said we weren’t enough for the world.
When the women I work with learn to hold the most powerful space they have ever known for their own souls, they are able to give that to their Men, and then it is game over.
A relationship is a container for the heart to emerge, not to hide. If a man cannot show who he is to you, he will never feel bonded to you. If the relationship doesn't allow him to emerge more and more over time, he will disconnect from you.
We learn from childhood that we must hide and be something that we are not in order to be accepted. If the reverse is true in a relationship, then deep and profound love occurs.
Everyone wants to be FREE to be who they are and to discover who they are more and more through intimate relationships. I can tell you from my experience coaching, befriending and talking intimately with hundreds of men...what they want MOST is to put an end to hiding, especially from the one they love most.
So how do you begin to do this? How do you put an end to hiding?
You commit to being someone who he can tell the truth to without being punished.
You don't Listen to His Heart....You Feel it.
You tune in and Feel what it is like to be a man day in and day out, the pressures, the terrible fears, the societal programming, the innate animalistic desires, the needs of his soul...feel his desires (even the ones you don’t want to hear), feel his pain, feel his self-condemnation, feel his insecurity, feel his dreams, feel his longings.
Conversely, feel your inner world as well in all of its colors and learn to share it.
Your capacity to see his heart as it is, not as you want it to be or think it should be, is in direct measure to his heart opening up to you in ways he never even thought were possible. It is what he is ultimately searching for.
So who is he? How does he experience the world? How does he experience himself? What does it feel like to live in his every day to day? How does he feel about you? About the way you treat him? Relate to him?
What are his fears?
What are the parts of himself he has deemed unworthy or unloveable?
What would he love to share with you in complete freedom that maybe he is too terrified to share with you because...he doesn't want to hurt you, or you to hurt him, reject him, or leave him?
And here is a miracle working one...what is going on in his inner world which if he shared with you would make you uncomfortable, fearful, or insecure?
A relationship is powerfully healing when a heart is allowed to emerge as it is. That means that no feeling or desire is ever wrong. It can't be wrong because it is. It exists and it is coming up for a person. It is a message that points to unmet needs, unmet desires.
If the feeling is made wrong, you have just forced your lover into hiding.
We can never go to the root issue and we are not allowed to understand and alchemize those emotions into a stronger bond.
Truth is seeing reality as it really is, no hiding, no denying, no numbing.
Become THE expert in his inner world.
To know someone does not mean to fix them or to tell them what they should be, it isn’t to impose the idea we have of them on them...it does not mean getting to know someone so we can then use that to manipulate them into becoming what we need them to be. To know someones means to allow them to be who they are, and to keep discovering that.
Every single time we are given the space to discover a new part of our heart and are mirrored by another how acceptable that part is, something incredible happens.....we gain ground in becoming whole. Every time we become whole we increase our ability to experience love.
See the parts of ourselves that we are ashamed of we often not only hide from the world, but we painfully hide from ourselves. Whatever we hide about ourselves leaves us fractured, incongruent- essentially not whole. The human soul just like the human body is constantly moving towards wholeness and healing and it is when we choose to hide parts of ourselves that we fight reality, instead of aligning to it.
So, if you can offer a man’s heart the space to emerge from the shadows, to share itself freely...in essence if you can be a friend to his soul, a true one...then you have created home, which is one of the deepest abiding needs of the soul.