In the work I do it is sometimes really sobering to see how much the love that was absent in our childhood and how we learned to cope with that absent love, drives our relationships in our adult years.
I have seen so many women caught up in patterns of co-dependence and attached to absent love.
Think about it—if you had an absent father whose love you were always searching for—the pattern established is.
His Love is absent and you must search for it.
Therefore women often fall for emotionally unavailable men whose love is absent—and only then can these women feel in love, feel intense desire→ Because they are reliving their intense childhood desire and hoping to end it, or to meet it.
And what does absent love look like→ well it often looks like emotionally unavailable men.
And when those little girls had absent human fathers to learn to relate to, they created fantasy fathers in their mind, grabbing pieces here and there from movies, books or neighborhood fathers and created the idealized father—their projection.
So when a real man comes along, they are unable to see the man, they only see Mr. Right, Prince Charming, Rescuing Knight in Shining Armour.
They can't see the human, so the emotionally unavailable man only retracts further into his shell, his fear of being known (because who can live up to that right?)
And when an emotionally available man comes along, these beautiful women often simply don't understand this and they look for ways to sabotage it…
Because they never simply received this absent love for no other reason than Being.
This leads many women to be the pursuer in relationships with men and to chase love, over—function and over-give a guy, because they always have to earn that absent love their inner little girl was chasing… instead of allowing love to come to them.
Because when they were children—love didn't come to them, not in the way they needed it.
This is just one of many patterns that call us to evaluate the way we give and receive love before we ever expect to have a great relationship with another loving human being."
You are always loved,